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Safeword: Difference between revisions
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A '''safeword''' is a word, phrase, hand motion, or other signal that is used to communicate a person's boundaries during a scene. Nonverbal safewords may also be known as '''safe signs'''. During a scene, a submissive may want to be able to verbally or physically resist while having their resistance ignored (a form of [[consensual non-consent]]). Safewords provide a clear signal that the submissive ''actually'' wants or needs to slow down or stop the scene. | A '''safeword''' is a word, phrase, hand motion, or other signal that is used to communicate a person's boundaries during a scene. Nonverbal safewords may also be known as '''safe signs'''. During a scene, a submissive may want to be able to verbally or physically resist while having their resistance ignored (a form of [[consensual non-consent]]). Safewords provide a clear signal that the submissive ''actually'' wants or needs to slow down or stop the scene. | ||
Some kink practitioners decide not to use safewords, considering them unnecessary. In a long-term relationship, for example, the dominant partner may know their submissive well and always stop before they would need a safeword. However, playing without a safeword is always considered to be risky [[edge play]]. What if the submissive feels the symptoms of a heart attack while in gagged in bondage and has no way of indicating that they need to stop immediately for medical attention? Having a safeword system in place, even if | Some kink practitioners decide not to use safewords, considering them unnecessary. In a long-term relationship, for example, the dominant partner may know their submissive well and always stop before they would need a safeword. However, playing without a safeword is always considered to be extra risky [[edge play]]. What if the submissive feels the symptoms of a heart attack while in gagged in bondage and has no way of indicating that they need to stop immediately for medical attention? Having a safeword system in place, even if only to be used for medical emergencies, is a simple, effective way to reduce harm in unlikely worst-case scenarios. | ||
'''Without explicit pre-scene negotiation, verbal or physical resistance (including "no", "stop", "hold on", shaking the head, and pulling away) must be respected as valid ways to revoke consent.''' Their partner(s) must pause the scene to re-affirm consent (e.g. ask the | '''Without explicit pre-scene negotiation, verbal or physical resistance (including "no", "stop", "hold on", shaking the head, and pulling away) must be respected as valid ways to revoke consent.''' Their partner(s) must pause the scene to re-affirm consent (e.g. confirm whether "no means no" in this scene, and ask the''m if'' and ''how'' they want to continue), or stop the scene immediately. Continuing after consent is revoked makes the scene non-consensual, and possibly sexual assault or rape. | ||
== Residual risks == | == Residual risks == | ||
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=== The alarm method === | === The alarm method === | ||
<ref>{{Cite web |last=Kostly |first=John |date=2024-01-23 |title=How to Safeword: The Alarm Method (BDSM Lifestyle Advice) |url=https://pricelessgemstone.com/how-to-safeword-the-red-alarm-method-bdsm/ |access-date=2026-01-14 |website=Priceless Gemstones |language=en-US}}</ref> | The alarm method refers to a repetitive and forceful use of the safeword ("red, red, red, red, red") to create an unmistakable alert.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Kostly |first=John |date=2024-01-23 |title=How to Safeword: The Alarm Method (BDSM Lifestyle Advice) |url=https://pricelessgemstone.com/how-to-safeword-the-red-alarm-method-bdsm/ |access-date=2026-01-14 |website=Priceless Gemstones |language=en-US}}</ref> Repetition reduces the risk that the safeword is accidentally missed and makes it more difficult for someone to claim that they didn't hear or recognize the safeword. In a communal playspace, a repeated safeword (particularly a commonly used word like "red") can also draw the attention of other people who can help. | ||
== Responding to a "hard stop" safeword == | == Responding to a "hard stop" safeword == | ||
Unless otherwise negotiated, a "hard stop" safeword (e.g. "red" in the traffic light system) calls for an immediate end to play and start of aftercare | Unless otherwise negotiated, a "hard stop" safeword (e.g. "red" in the traffic light system) calls for an immediate end to play and start of aftercare. | ||
* Do not question whether the safeword "should have" been used. | |||
* Do not try to continue the scene with re-negotiation ("what if we just ..."). | |||
Using a safeword usually indicates that a physical, emotional, psychological, or moral boundary was crossed, and the submissive may require special attention compared to a "normal" scene ending. If your partner uses a safeword: | |||
* Acknowledge the safeword was used and inform them that the scene is ending. | * Acknowledge the safeword was used and inform them that the scene is ending. | ||
* Ask | * Ask them how they're feeling and what they need most in that moment. | ||
* Free them from bondage, gags, blindfolds, and other restrictions as soon as possible. | * Free them from bondage, gags, blindfolds, and other restrictions as soon as possible. | ||
* Perform first aid, if necessary. | * Perform first aid, if necessary. | ||
* | * Continue to [[aftercare]], as negotiated before the scene and needed by the participants. | ||
If all participants agree, a new scene can be negotiated. | If all participants agree, a new scene can be negotiated. | ||