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A '''safeword''' (or '''safe word''') is a word, phrase, hand motion, or other signal that is used to communicate a person's boundaries during a scene. Nonverbal safewords may also be known as '''safe signs'''. During a scene, a submissive may want to be able to verbally or physically resist while having their resistance ignored (a form of [[consensual non-consent]]). Safewords provide a clear signal that the submissive ''actually'' wants or needs to slow down or stop the scene. | A '''safeword''' (or '''safe word''') is a word, phrase, hand motion, or other signal that is used to communicate a person's boundaries during a scene. Nonverbal safewords may also be known as '''safe signs''' or '''safe signals'''. During a scene, a submissive may want to be able to verbally or physically resist while having their resistance ignored (a form of [[consensual non-consent]]). Safewords provide a clear signal that the submissive ''actually'' wants or needs to slow down or stop the scene. | ||
Some experienced kink practitioners decide not to use safewords, considering them unnecessary. In a long-term relationship, for example, the dominant partner may know their submissive well and always stop before they would need a safeword. However, playing without a safeword is always considered to be extra risky [[edge play]]. What if the submissive feels the symptoms of a heart attack while in gagged in bondage and has no way of indicating that they need to stop immediately for medical attention? Having a safeword system in place, even if only to be used for medical emergencies, is a simple, effective way to reduce harm in unlikely worst-case scenarios. | Some experienced kink practitioners decide not to use safewords, considering them unnecessary. In a long-term relationship, for example, the dominant partner may know their submissive well and always stop before they would need a safeword. However, playing without a safeword is always considered to be extra risky [[edge play]]. What if the submissive feels the symptoms of a heart attack while in gagged in bondage and has no way of indicating that they need to stop immediately for medical attention? Having a safeword system in place, even if only to be used for medical emergencies, is a simple, effective way to reduce harm in unlikely worst-case scenarios. | ||
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== Residual risks == | == Residual risks == | ||
* The dominant might accidentally miss the safeword. | * The dominant might accidentally miss the safeword. | ||
* The dominant might intentionally ignore the safeword (a consent violation). | * The dominant might intentionally ignore the safeword (a consent violation). | ||
* A submissive may hesitate to use the safeword for fear of disappointing their partner, forget the safeword, or might even feel physically unable to form words. | * A submissive may hesitate to use the safeword for fear of disappointing their partner, forget the safeword, or might even feel physically unable to form words. | ||
* Safewords can give the dominant a false sense of security: "they didn't use the safeword, so I figured everything was okay". | * Safewords can give the dominant a false sense of security: "they didn't use the safeword, so I figured everything was okay". | ||
In 2014 survey from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, 13.1% of 4,503 kink practitioners reported that their pre-negotiated safeword or safesign was violated during a BDSM scene or relationship.<ref>Wright S., Stambaugh R. J., Cox D. (2015). ''Consent violations survey''. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. [https://secureservercdn.net/198.71.233.68/9xj.1d5.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Consent-Violations-Survey.pdf. https://secureservercdn.net/198.71.233.68/9xj.1d5.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Consent-Violations-Survey.pdf.]</ref> | |||
== Pre-scene negotiation == | == Pre-scene negotiation == | ||
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A dungeon or other communal play space may have officially mandated safewords, so that the [[dungeon monitor]] or others nearby can know when a safeword is invoked and, if necessary, intervene. | A dungeon or other communal play space may have officially mandated safewords, so that the [[dungeon monitor]] or others nearby can know when a safeword is invoked and, if necessary, intervene. | ||
=== Nonverbal safe signs === | === Nonverbal safe signs and signals === | ||
* Three rapid taps, squeezes, or grunts | * Three rapid taps, squeezes, or grunts | ||
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* Do not try to continue the scene with re-negotiation ("what if we just ..."). | * Do not try to continue the scene with re-negotiation ("what if we just ..."). | ||
Using a safeword | Using a safeword often indicates that a physical, emotional, psychological, or moral boundary was crossed, and the submissive may require special attention compared to a "normal" scene ending. If your partner uses a safeword: | ||
* Acknowledge the safeword was used and inform them that the scene is ending. | * Acknowledge the safeword was used and inform them that the scene is ending. | ||
* Ask them how they're feeling and what they need most in that moment. | * Ask them how they're feeling and what they need most in that moment. | ||